I love you too ! 

if I hurt you, you know I hurt myself as well.

You know what ? I'm not like most girls. I would rather go to a concert than a party. I feel more comfortable wearing a band shirt and skinnys than a dress. I spend my money on CDs and band merch, not handbags or brand name clothes. When I say I love shoes, I mean Converse and Doc Martens, not  high heels. When someone disses my favorite band, I am not afraid to lose my shit over it. And when I say that music is my life, I mean it. When I am having a bad day, it is my escape. It's what I live for. And I will never be a size 0, nor will i ever have long legs or shimmery white-blond hair. But, i will be the slightly chubby, pretty girl who has pretty skin and hair. I will make my friends happy, cook for them and love them . I will always have my own talent for dancing and photography. But i still feel like i'm always alone. Nobody listens, and when they do they don't actually hear what i'm saying. I'm sick of everybody jumping to conclusions about me, and i'm sick of feeling so depressed and sad all the time. No one tries to understand me. I might look happy to you, but are you really looking? 


Did you .. did you know  all that ?  


You know .. nevermind. Lately I'm just .. i'm just really worried that i'm going insane. I don't know..   I .. i just don't know. 

It's wrong, but it's the way it goes.

Kui ma saaksin sulle öelda, siis usu mind ma teeksin seda. Ma ei saa. Kas tead miks ? Vastus on lihtne. Ma ei julge sulle otsa vaadata, kas tead ? Ma lihtsalt ei julge. Ma tunnen, et ma olen mingil määral rikkunud meie sõpruse, selle pilve mis meie vahel liikus. Tundub et oma pisaratega olen selle meie vahelt ära uhanud. Vahest ma mõtlen mis oleks saanud, kui ma oleksin teisiti teinud. Kui ma oleksin valinud meie sõpruse kõige muu kõrvalt ? Aga ma arvan .. ma usun et sellel polegi vahet. Ma tean, et kusagilt ma leian julguse vaadata su silmadesse ja öelda mida ma tegelikult arvan..

See on sulle .

Tead, ma näen sind öösiti unes. Sa viimasel ajal käid palju tihedamini mu unenägudes. Tekitad minus rohkem ja rohkem seda syytunnet.. Usu, ma annaks peaaegu kõik, et keerata aeg tagasi mai kuusse. Sa ei tule enam vaikselt ja sa ei säti ennast enam minu kõrvale magama. Sa ei hoia mind kaisus, ega tee mu laubale musi. Sa ei soovi mulle enam head ööd. Sa tuled täiesti teistmoodi. Sa tuled selle avarii kaudu. Sa tuled oma õe silmades. Sa tuled läbi vihkamise. Pettumuse. Syytunde. Masenduse ja ahistuse kaudu. Ja mida rohkem sa tuled, seda rohkem kardan mina minna sinu hauale. Seda rohkem ma kardan minevikku ja seda rohkem ma soovin, et kõik oleks teisiti.

Ma igatsen sind. Alati.

xoxo, Birksu.

She says she's fine, but she's going insane.

 She says she feels good, but she's in a lot of pain.

She says it's nothing , bit it's really a lot. 

She says she's ok, but really she's not. 

‎- The promises we made were not enough. 

The prayers that we had prayed were like a drug. 

The secrets that we told were never known. The love we had, 

we had to let it go. ♥

I wonder if i just disappeared, left school, deleted facebook and all my other shit i'm connected to, and just stoped talking to everyone, i wonder how they would all react? Would some be happy ? Would they be sad? Would they even care ?