and everywhere you are there i'll be.

Can you feel it? Can you feel everything falling apart? Or is it coming together? What is it going to be? Are you going to just pretend like everything is okay? Is everything all right? Are you going to pretend like you're not doubting yourself at all or that you're not doubting what you stand for? Are you going to pretend like this never happend? You can't do that. You can try to forget all you want, but it's still always going to be there in the back of your mind. I'll be there, just waiting. Waiting for a day when you least expect it. On a rainy day when you're all by yourself and have nothing to do, you're going to think of me and then you're going to wonder what happend. What went wrong and why ? Did i make the right decision  by doing those things? You can try, but it's not going to go away. I'll be there. I'll always be there.

Everything i knew was a LIE. 

FLU : (

I'm just gonna die here. Quietly.
I can't even breath.



Oh, what a wonderful autumn.

i can't erase you.

The clock stops ticking, this is not a moment worth being stuck in time. This is not a moment worth remembering. Reach into your heart and search for gold like you're searching for a treasure chest like a pirate. Reach in and pull out all your love and strenght and courage and hand it over to me. Give me the ability to believe in something real, something true. Give me the ability to trust in love and the human race. Give me the ability to trust in me he way i trust in the beating of my heart or the way i trust in the waves of the ocean; the clouds in the sky; the idea of always having all the time in the world to do what i want and become who i want. This makes no sense. This is nonsense. This is confusion. This is struggle; an inner battle. A war against myself where no one can win.

Why i love skater boys ? Uh ? 

i feel like a fool.

I laid in bed last night and looked around my room. I saw the folds of the sheets illuminated by the glow of the alarm clock and the stars on the walls and ceiling were lit up like they are every night before i fall asleep. I lay on my right side for a while and stare at the clock asthe minutes pass by before i roll over to the other side and close my eyes. And i just wonder where you are right now and what you are doing. I wonder what you're thinking about or if you're even awake. I wonder what you're feeling when you hear that one song. I wonder about you sometimes. Sometimes ... actually every night and it's always the same.

The battle was already won.

I'm waiting. Just waiting to get home, into my room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out that i kept in all day. That feeling of both relief and desperation. Nothing is wrong. But nothing is right either. And i'm tired. Tired of everything, tired of nothing. And i just want someone to be here and tell me it's okay. But no ones going to be here. And i know i have to be strong for myself, because no one can fix me. But i'm tired of waiting. Tired of having to be the one to fix myself and everyone else. Tired of being strong. And for once, i just want it to be easy. To be simple. To be helped. To be saved. But i know i won't be. But i'm still hoping. And i'm still wishing. And i'm still staying strong and fighting, with tears in my eyes. I'm fighting.